Flies and Locusts And Dragons, Too
by Seiferre Quintesce
Summary: Omi needs to understand the Birds and the Bees. Who gets stuck with the burden? Oneshot, R&R Welcomed


**FLIES AND LOCUSTS**  
_(And Dragons, Too)  
_By: Seiferre Quintesce / 2o1o

**RATING:** K+  
**PAIRING(S):** Clim (Clay/Kimiko), Romi (Raimundo/Omi) if you squint really hard.  
**GENRE(S):** Romance, Humor  
**WARNING(S):** Some material not suited for children.  
**COMMENTS?:** Yes, please. R&R to your heart's desire. I'll love you for it.  
**CONTESTS: **Pbbt, you kidding? This is a one-shot.  
**DEDICATIONS: **To all you wonderful reviewers, of course.**  
DISCLAIMER:** 'Xiaolin Showdown' is © Christy Hui and Warner Bros. I do not own it, or the characters, and only claim any non-canon characters as my own. This piece of fiction was created for entertainment purposes only, bearing no intent for profit or gain.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** I wanted to write a little quickie for Clim, being as they don't have too many oneshots and MMGS: Warriors is gonna take a while to satisfy Clay/Kim lovers out there (Although it seems like I'm on a good track for it!) I was chatting with a friend of mine and we decided this was too damn funny to pass up in the light of MMGS' third chapter, so here's a little drabble for you all.

**TODAY'S FOOTNOTES INCLUDE: **Just a little note.

* * *

He could feel it in the air – something was not right in the Xiaolin Temple.

Perhaps it was the lack of interest in training to be had amongst the Xiaolin Dragons.

Perhaps it was the way that Dojo and Master Fung spent increasingly less and less time around their charges, Dojo insisting that the elderly monk 'be clean-shaven and happy', and that he was the only one allowed to look at him while he had his mustache, beard, and back-hair taken care of before the season _really_ started (The warriors chose to take this piece of advice _very_ seriously).

Or perhaps, thought the young Dragon of the Water as he balanced most of his weight on his head, it was the fact that Kimiko and Clay had been spending less and less time around their cohorts and more time around each other.

Yes, it was spring. Their fifth year together as the Chosen Ones had been a fruitful one thus far, but with everyone preoccupied with various activities, it left the youngest, most naïve monk to wonder if anyone was even remotely worried about the great evil abroad, or if any of them were still concerned with their ancient task of collecting the Shen Gong Wu.

'Tools of God', indeed. Omi stared blankly at the Temple vault. Ninety-seven Shen Gong Wu had been collected and safely locked away within the confine since their sacred journey had begun, and yet, it seemed _certain_ members of the team had begun to grow slack in their work… He walked past the building and into the Spartan living quarters without a second thought.

"Raimundo."

"Ai!" The Dragon of the Wind jumped and spun on his heel, eying his little friend warily. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing, just watchin' something."

"Watching what?" Rai grabbed him before he was able to look over the taller boy's shoulder, his little arms and legs still flailing in an attempt to see what was forbidden to him. He held fast, however; Omi didn't need to see what he was looking at. He probably wouldn't even understand what was going on and blow it all out of proportion.

Even if he _was_ seventeen.

Unfortunately for the Brazilian, Omi's training as a Xiaolin Monk was something that the younger disciple spent quite a bit of his time perfecting, and soon the boy had twisted out of his grip and had run past the shade of the temple roof and out to the Training Grounds, where he found Kimiko and Clay wrapped up in each other. Literally.

Omi blinked. Clay was seated under his favorite Cherry Blossom tree, his hat tilted askew to the point where it seemed as if it was hanging on by a few tendrils of hair. Kimiko's tiny fingers clutched at the boy's locks roughly, tousling it and making it stand on end. She had him lip-to-lip in what looked like a passionate battle of wills to the trainee, her eyes closed as if in deep concentration and her legs wrapped as tightly as they could be around the Texan's broad waist.

Bailey's eyes were closed, too, noticed the boy, and he was much gentler with his doll of a lover. Clay's legs were bent at an angle, arms resting carelessly atop his knees as he twirled one long strand of black-purple hair around one of his fingers. As the two of them watched, one of Clay's arms snaked around the girl's slim waist and tugged her closer, a playful growl accompanying the flash of two pink tongues in the open daylight.

"Aiyah!" Exclaimed the yellow-headed monk just as Kimiko giggled and the cowboy bit down on her lower lip. They blinked at each other, turned, and quirked their eyebrows simultaneously. "Why is Clay chewing off Kimiko's face?"

"Looked more like Kim was chewing off Clay's to me. Hahaha…" Raimundo assumed a pose and tone similar to that of Master Fung's, folding his hands into the sleeves of his _gi _and glaring down his nose at the couple. "Cease your face consumption at once."

"'Face Consumption'?" Dryly, Kimiko turned to face him. She was sorely tempted to get right back to what she was doing and show Rai just how much she cared about what he and Omi had seen – the subtle shift of her hips and the resulting hitch in his breath told Clay so. He held her steady just barely, clutching a rock in his leather-gloved hand that he'd been ready to chuck at his best friend's head, before Omi wandered up to them with a curious look on his face. Too amused to resist, the team leader followed at his heels.

"Friend Clay," their Chinese friend began, unsure of where to begin with his questions. "Why was Kimiko biting you?"

"Bitin'…?" The cowboy plunked his ten-gallon hat right back onto his head and tipped it up toward the sun, blue eyes ablaze and his cheeks still pink with exertion. Omi suspected that Kimiko had given their friend a good thrashing, and was most concerned for his health. "Omi, li'l buddy, Kimmy wasn't… She ain't… Aw, leapin' lizards… Kimiko!"

"What?" She was preoccupied with stuffing Raimundo's head in the dirt for spying on them, and took a while before she let him breath enough to be satisfied. Clay made no move to stop her, instead chuckling under his breath. "Oh. Uhh, well… You see, Omi…"

Great Ghost of Dashi, why couldn't Master Fung have explained this to the kid already?

Tohomiko's mind was sluggish and still stuck up in the air; she needed time to gather herself and think, but, not having that luxury, blurted out, "I was… Testing him."

"Testing?" Omi wondered what sort of test would involve teeth, tongues and mouths, and was not sure he'd want to be "tested" in that way, ever. The youngest monk pursed his lips and folded his arms skeptically, wanting to hear more of an explanation.

"Well… Yeah." Too late to turn back, she needed to roll with the punches now. The heiress refused to meet Clay or Raimundo's gaze, choosing instead to stare into Omi's much-too-innocent eyes. It was hard to keep a straight face, talking about something like this, but the best she could do was hope that Omi would come to understand it in his own way, someday. "I was testing him… To see if he had the right lips to speak Japanese with."

…

_Oh, boy._

_Now_ she looked at Clay. Her lover's expression was the perfect cross between, 'Oh mah gawd, what in the Sam Hill…?' and 'Sweet Dashi, if that ain't th' mos' re-diculous thing I ever heard…' She offered him a wan smile and shrugged her small shoulders, even as Bailey's expression morphed into one that plainly said, _'That was even lamer than one of my down-home expressions.' _He folded his arms and stared at her, blue eyes twinkling, and Kimiko huffed under her breath. She was on her own for this one, damn the man.

Omi's eyes had brightened with the knowledge he had gained, eager to explore this strange, new concept and understand it. "Aha. And does Clay have the proper assets to learn your native tongue, Kimiko?"

"Oh, Omi." Kimiko couldn't help but laugh at that one as she pat him on the head, completely ignoring the Brazilian as he wheezed for breath. Her lip curled itself into a soft, sly smile. "You bet he does."

* * *

"Raimundo, that did not seem like a proper way to ensure that our friend Clay had the requisites to study the Japanese language."

A sigh, and his much taller friend shook his head from side to side. "They were about to get it on, Omi. Didn't Master Fung ever teach you about stuff like that?"

"What is 'getting it on'?" One very long eyebrow raised itself to the planes of Omi's shining forehead.

"You know, like… Birds and the Bees? That kinda thing?"

"…?"

"…Oh, brother. Okay, Omi. When…" Raimundo paused, considered saying 'man and a woman', and shook his head. He didn't want Omi getting homophobic; he was already sexist. "When two people fall in love, they… Aw, forget it. You wouldn't understand."

"Wait! Please tell me!" Rai was blocked by a mass of yellow, red, black and blue, unable to maneuver around the young man without running headlong into him. He cursed Omi's recent growth spurt and rolled his eyes heavenward. "I must learn of this most ancient cycle between birds and bees!"

"I… Geez, you know what, c'mon, let's go to my room. I'll talk to you about it there."

"YES! Oh, thank you Raimundo!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. One second." He'd planned to grab his 3PM player from where he'd left it – on the card table in Clay's cubicle. He found something much more interesting instead.

"_GREAT GHOST OF DASHI!"_

"_Tarnation!_ Gedd'out, ya varmint!"

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:** Well… That was fun. xD I may or may not write a sequel in which Raimundo goes into detail about the birds and the bees with Omi, purely for the humor, but we'll see. R&R, if you would. It's much appreciated, and I hope you guys enjoyed this little window into the monks' love lives. xD


End file.
